THE EXHIBITIONS

transformation process, namely the discovery of a center area and its center. This is depicted in the last painting, No. 82. In my eyes an exceptional discovery. The paintings that make up the exhibition "Transformation" draw an arch from a fragmented point of departure, characterized by confusing manifold, to a more structured world, colored by some form of unit.

    During the work with this section an important change in my life occurs. For a few months time, I had been looking for an apartment in Stockholm, with a very strong feeling in the back of my mind that I had to get away from Uppsala. In the beginning of the fall I finally moved, and this was the beginning of a period of isolation that would last many years. At the same time I was experiencing greater and greater problems with painting. One would think that the truly great advances made in the transformation process would have resulted in a stronger, more firm foothold, and this was the case, however, this did not manage to compensate for the continuing increase of activity in my unconscious. The amount of dream material had now reached a nearly unendurable level, and when further increases occured, my ability to paint disappeared altogether. "No. 82. The Center." was the last painting I made, and I must admit that I cannot recall if the last strokes of the brush were made during 1995, or not.

Go to the exhibition Transformation, section The Center.

1995-2000: THE SILENT YEARS

    When I look back upon this period, I can only state the fact that it was not written in the stars for me to paint. I daubed with my colors, but nothing ever came out of this, I was far from making paintings. When I will publish the exhibition "Early Painting" later in 2004, I will show that these works treat the same themes as the paintings in "Transformation", and that they can be divided in similar sections. To see this, "Transformation" has to be used as a model, because the early works are more obscure in nature, but it does seem as if I have gone through a transformation cycle twice. The point I want to make at this stage is that between the point when the work with "Transformation" commenced and that with the early works ended, there was a period of a few months when silence ruled - I did not paint. This earlier period of inactivity is parallel to the period of silence after "Transformation" was completed, and bearing in mind the very powerful course of events in this second cycle, there is some logic to the fact that the latter stretched over a longer period of time. Perhaps one might discern the cogs of heavenly clockwork.

    What does one do for such a long period of time? I cannot show any accomplishments in the tangible, observable world. In contrast, the activity in my inner world was very high, for example in the world of dreams, and I see this as a very productive, but dramatic and laborious period. What this means is nothing I want to discuss here and now, I will leave this story to my future paintings.

    The first step out of the darkness is represented by this web site. During the summer of 1988 I began the initial investigations and during the spring of 1999 I attended a beginners course in photography. After a slow and methodical period of work, the first version of this site was published in May 2000 - it was a feeling of relief to get the atlas load off my shoulders.

THE NEXT EXHIBITION

    Something happened during the summer of 2000. I experienced moments when I actually painted, when meaningful work was done. With regard to what I have said earlier, I do not think you will be surprised when I say that this coincided with a decrease in dream material, now reaching a more manageable level. Just before the New Year something happened again. I started painting continuously. A forgotten world surfaced. The dry smell of the gesso ... the smell of the color when the cap of the tube comes off ... the sensation in my hand and arm when the brush works over the cardboard surface ... the oscillation between working in a quick and energetic fashion and the concentrated and calm dito ... the experimentation ... the magic feeling of knowing where I am going and at the same time not having the faintest idea ... the fascination of seeing the painting take shape under my hands. Experiences I had a long time ago that once again fall back into their places. (All this, I should point out, belong the positive aspects of painting.) But things have also changed, or, should I say, have been added. Nowadays, for example, I sometimes make studies and sketches, that is, I try out a technique and/or a motif which I consequently carry through in a painting. So, in addition there is an increased degree of consciousness, however, in the same breath I must point out that my painting is still about discovering, and therefore I am still at large unknowledgeable before the discovery is made.